Scribenda Mea

Sometimes It's Not a Euphemism, It's Just a Name

2008-07-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

I was going through resumes at my job today, and discovered that one of the applicants has a certificate in "Bereavement Studies," and has worked as a "Bereavement Volunteer."

My first thought?

"Holy Pants! This lady is an assassin!"

But it turns out that this is something that actually exists, and does not refer to inhumation.

Nothing Wastes a Weekend Like a Headache

2008-07-27T15:18:00.003-07:00

Self-explanatory title.

How to be an Alan Moore fan and not despair

2008-07-19T10:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I saw The Dark Knight, which was excellent. I almost wrote a review, but I realized that no one on earth really needs me to tell them how much I liked it. I will, however, say PENCIL TRICK OMG!!

But there was something I saw last night that I would like to comment on, and that was the Watchmen trailer. Watchmen is, of course, unfilmable, even for Terry Gilliam. My friends and I have been apprehensive since we first heard of the movie adaptation, an apprehension that was not alleviated when we heard that it was being done by the man behind The 300 (though to be fair, the worst of that movie's sins can be traced back to its source material.)

Here's the thing, though. Did you watch the preview? If not, do so. If you can look past the odd music choice and Dr. Manhattan's codpiece, it's not bad. In fact, it's beautiful. They've recreated some of the most iconic panels in visually powerful ways.

This may mean that there is something salvageable in this movie. Of course it will probably fail as an adaptation of the graphic novel. It may, however, succeed as a series of set pieces, a collection of live-action tableaux which bring some of your favorite moments from the comic to the big screen. I doubt it will be enough to make up for everything that gets lost in the translation, but it might just be enough to create an enjoyable movie experience.

I realize that this isn't much to hope for, but far better to say "hey, look, it's Rorschach - and he's moving!" than "I want to throw up, because a piece of my soul just died."

How to WIN at political blogging: Introduction

2008-07-11T14:52:00.000-07:00

Hey there. Have you got a blog? No? Well, maybe you should start one.

There are a lot of different types of blogs that you could start. Maybe you have specialized knowledge about an interesting field. Maybe you have a hobby or profession you'd like to talk about and explore. Maybe you have an exciting life that others want to read about three paragraphs at a time.

But probably not.

But you know what you do have? An opinion! Like they say, opinions are like assholes: everyone's got one, and the more outrageous yours is, the more popular it will be on the internet. And what are the most outrageous opinions? That's right: political opinions. See, you're already qualified to be a blogger. I'll bet you think things about stuff. And I'll bet a lot of people agree with you.

But wait! You're thinking: "If I can be a political blogger, then anyone can be a political blogger. How can I stand out from the crowd?" That's why I'm offering this free ongoing course: How to WIN at political blogging. By the end of this course, you will be fully equipped to win.

What does it mean to win at political blogging? One word: Traffic. Page hits, incoming links, a first-page Google search appearance - this is what it means to win.

And the rewards of winning? Ad revenue. Book deals. Appearances on cable news shows. Adoring fans of your preferred gender. Oh yes, my friend. All of these can be yours. You can taste the awesome.

We'll start to get into the gritty details in our next lesson, but for now I'd like to leave you with

Geoffrey's First Axiom of Political Blogging: The purpose of a political blog is to reinforce the stereotypes of its readers.

"But Geoffrey," you protest, whiningly, "I want to contribute to the national conversation in a constructive way! I want to deliver astute analysis of the workings of power and opinion in the public sphere! I want to pursue truth!"

That's very nice. I'm sure your mother would be proud. I hope so, at least, because if you keep thinking like that she'll be your only reader.

Homework: Familiarize yourself with some of the popular political blogs. Here, I'll give you a head start.

How I Celebrated Our Nation's Anniversery

2008-07-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

By doing Science!

Scribenda Cinema Reviews: Wall-E

2008-07-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

How good is Wall-E? Let's put it this way: if Pixar's next movie were called "Throw Rocks at Geoffrey Whenever You See Him" I would still shell out $10.50 to see it. That's how good Wall-E is.

Multi-lingual Visual Puns (Part 1)

2008-06-27T15:57:00.000-07:00

Un-Hiatus

2008-06-27T15:50:00.000-07:00

Due to recent life improvements, I now feel that I can comfortably commit to a few posts per week, so I'm taking the blog out of mothballs.

Hiatus

2008-06-10T08:55:00.001-07:00

This blog has been on de facto hiatus for a while now, but I'm making it official. There will be more scribendablogging at an undecided later date.

A New Creation from Jack Chick

2008-05-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

After an absence of far too many months, Jack Chick has once again graced us with a new tract. Fortunately, he makes up for the delay with some truly choice bits of craziness. Just in time for Expelled, he's taking on that great lie of Satan, Evolution!

I can't even begin to tell you how much Chick gets wrong in this one, but you can probably figure it out on your own. If not, these people can help you out. What is revealing about this tract is not what it gets wrong about evolution, but what it says about creationists and their ID fellow travelers. I have been following the Creo/ID debates on the web long enough to know that a lot of these people really do think that the "Darwinists" really are, by and large, a lot like Tyler and his mother. There are millions, probably tens of millions, of Americans who think that understanding science makes you into Aleister Crowley McHitler. And they believe it because that's what they are told by people they trust, people who should know better. People like Ben Stein, for example.

And because I still think it's damn funny, I will now link an earlier post.

Free Comic Book Day!

2008-05-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

Happy Free Comic Book Day, everyone. Comic book stores around the country are celebrating, so see if you can find one near you. If you live in Somerville, MA, be sure to drop by Comicazi - in addition to free comic books, they have people dressed as Batman characters out front. I was just there and they had Batman, Robin, the Joker, Poison Ivy, and Harley Quinn. The Joker apparently hijacked an ice-cream truck, but I missed that.

SF/F Grossout Moments

2008-04-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

I was talking to Amber online about a scene from Consider Phlebas where a giant fat blob of a man eats bits off of a living person using razor-sharp dentures, including a set with a hole in the middle for skinning fingers. She seemed to find this a little bit disturbing. I don't disagree that it was gross, but I didn't find it anywhere near as disturbing as the human/khepri love scenes from Perdido Street Station. This, or course, led to the question: what is the most disturbing scene from written SF/F?

There are a lot of candidates, but for me the clear winner is All My Darling Daughters by Connie Willis. The physical grossness and psychological wrongness of what is going on is truly shudder-inducing.

Covered in beeeeees!

2008-04-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

I saw Eddie Izzard last night at the Orpheum. His show is called Stripped. As you can see from the picture in the link above, he does this one dressed completely like a man, even to the point of having a mustache. Don't let that put you off; he does not draw his comedic powers from transvestitism. If you can see him live, do. If not, I'm sure that it will make it to video.

Highlights: stuff he's talked about before, like giraffes, Noah, and Romans. The giraffe bit from Stripped is far superior to his previous giraffe material. It was my favorite part of the show and may, in fact, be the funniest thing I've seen him do.

Apologies

2008-04-25T18:57:00.001-07:00

All apologies to my single-digit readership. I have been a bad blogger and failed to update. Rest assured, I will mend my ways in the coming weeks. Watch this spot for more reviews, crackpot theories, ISTMEMG updates, and other fun.

Things I Want

2008-04-15T16:15:00.000-07:00

A wise man (me) once said "find a new way for rich people to waste money, and the world will beat a path to your door." In this troubled economy, it is more important than ever that people have a way to show that they have more money than sense.

That's why I came up with the Hover House. The Hover House is like a houseboat, except it is a hovercraft, so it can travel on water or on land. There are already ridiculously large hovercraft in the world. Making one luxury-capable shouldn't be too hard. Sure, it can't fly, but that gives you more room.

You could throw some seriously bitchin' parties on this thing. Take it into warm tropical waters and swim off the deck. Come back inland if the weather gets rough. Take the entire party to the liquor store if you run out of supplies. Add some small arms, and you've practically got the flying party from Life, the Universe and Everything. Just imagine it! Actually, you don't have to imagine it, because I made a picture, (click for better view):

Don't even try to tell me life gets sweeter than that.

Scribook Reviews: Axis

2008-04-12T15:05:00.000-07:00

Robert Charles Wilson may be my favorite currently working science fiction writer. His appeal, to me at least, is the way he mixes the cosmically grand and bizarre with the intimate and familiarly human. If I were to sum up the RCW style, it would be "well-drawn characters deal with Big Weird Thing." When I say "deal with" I don't mean that they track down the source of a supernova and stop it from destroying earth, or they find out that the invading aliens are susceptible to human diseases. I mean that they try to find ways to get along in a world that has been fundamentally altered by the Big Weird Thing. At the same time, they are still susceptible to all of the more mundane weaknesses and tragedies which would have happened whether or not Europe disappeared or a giant war memorial from the future suddenly materialized.

In fact, Wilson's characters are usually interesting and realistic enough in and of themselves that they would be worth reading about for their own sakes, without the science fiction element. If he wanted to make the switch from science fiction to lit fic, all he would have to do is cut out the Big Weird Thing from his next novel and replace it with some delicate epiphanies. That, however, would be a tragedy.

All that said, I didn't feel that Axis was his best work. The sequel to Spin (which might well have been his best so far), Axis explores some of the questions that were left hanging in the previous work. Unfortunately, it's hard to discuss Axis without giving away spoilers to Spin, so the next section is highlight-to-read.

Axis is set on the New World on the other side of the giant arch created by the Hypotheticals, about thirty years into humanity's settlement there. The Big Weird Thing in this case is a strange ash-fall which covers Equatoria from Port Magellan in the east to the oilfields in the western desert. Only one of the characters from Spin shows up. She, like many of the other characters in Axis, are Fourths, those who have taken the Martian treatment to extend their lives another thirty to forty years. The centrality of the Fourths to the novel, as well as the setting, function as both a strength and a weakness. They make the book more intellectually interesting while decreasing the emotional impact. On the whole, that is the attraction of Axis and my criticism of it. Wilson explores more fully some of the intriguing ideas which we only glimpsed in Spin, but does so at the expense of the immediate human urgency that characterizes most of his work.

This is not to say it is unsatisfying. I enjoyed learning more about Martian biotech, Equatoria, and the Hypotheticals themselves. I particularly appreciate that Wilson didn't try to wrap things up in a nice neat package; the Hypotheticals are just as mysterious at the end of Axis as they are at the beginning. As with so many things, the more we learn, the more we realize we do not know.

So should you read Axis? If you have read Spin, it is definitely worth reading. If you haven't read Spin, go read it, and then re-read the previous sentence.

Daisies; Multinational Corporations

2008-04-08T17:54:00.000-07:00

Someday (like when this blog actually has some readers), I will hold a poll: Who writes the worst prose? A) Academics; B) Bureaucrats; or C) Corporate Types. I would vote for A, but this is because of my personal experience. You see, before I went to grad school, I actually knew how to write.

But today's dispatch from the International Society To Make English More Good touches more directly on C). We have noticed that the English-speaking mission-statement-writing world is increasingly using "grow" as a transitive verb with objects other than plants or types of hair. This must stop immediately.

Examples:

Acceptable:
Farmer John grows potatoes; I grow a neck beard.

Unacceptable:
Farmer John grows his company; I grow my profit margins.

ISTMEMG, being more descriptive at heart than prescriptive, does not intend to argue the grammatical correctness or incorrectness of the above examples. Worse than being 'incorrect,' saying "The Weyland-Yutani Corporation is looking to grow its bio-weapons division" is ugly. This should be obvious to anyone who has a soul, which is why the writers of corporate press releases and web sites are incapable of noticing.

Remember: You are the only person capable of preventing English from being less good.

The Least Surprising News I've Heard in Quite a While

2008-04-07T15:56:00.000-07:00

Harvard practices affirmative action for rich people. (via)

UPDATE: Welcome, people clicking through from Amber's blog. Feel free to check out my other posts as well.

Scribook Reviews: The Guild of Xenolinguists

2008-04-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

Despite being a lifelong fan of the SF&F genres (or mega-genre, since they're usually grouped together in libraries and bookstores), I haven't been reading much science fiction in the last several years, with the exception of a Robert Charles Wilson binge. As a result, I didn't know about Sheila Finch until I saw The Guild of Xenolinguists in the new books section of the Boston library. Finch has been writing stories about the Xenolinguists, or "lingsters," for for over a decade now, but as far as I know this is the first anthology of lingster stories.

The stories are set in a future in which humanity has made contact with a wide variety of sentient alien species. Many of them are, in general form, roughly similar to humans. These are not quite Star Trek similar, but they are nowhere near as alien as some of the other species which humanity encounters - species who are so different that even deciding whether or not they are sentient is a puzzle in itself. Humans have a special niche in the galaxy, as we seem to be the only ones who have set up an institute like the Guild, and humans have a wide enough vocal range to speak nearly every language (among languages that are actually *spoken*).

The stories are driven by two main ideas. The first is the application of linguistic science to non-human and non-earthly interlocutors. The second is the Guild itself. The main characters are all lingsters, and have all been shaped by their Guild upbringing. Lingsters tend to start as young students - more or less child oblates - in the Guild campus in Geneva. They learn a variety of human languages, and even learn to communicate with the school's dolphin tutors. In addition to being cool talking dolphins, these tutors teach the students how a sentient with a different manner of interacting with the physical universe will have a different way of describing it.

The Guild, though not religious, has an almost monastic culture. Marriage is discouraged, as is childbirth. Lingsters tend to have a deep affection for and loyalty to the Guild, and fond memories of the mother house in Geneva. More importantly, the Guild imposes a rule which is at least as difficult as celibacy or poverty - complete neutrality. One of the supreme guild commandments is "never judge the message or its sender." It is this last that makes the life of a lingster so difficult. For, example how does one refrain from judgment when one is asked to create a language for a conqueror to use in commanding her slaves? The moral pressures which the lingsters feel, combined with their mostly self-imposed loneliness, mean that many of them are unhappy and dissatisfied.

It is this tension, I think, between the superhuman requirements of the guild and the very human lingsters, that makes Finch's work a success. The setting lends itself well to the short story, although she has also written a couple of Guild novels - I may review them here later. I recommend the book for SF fans.

The Drinking Game Theory of Dating

2008-04-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

In the world of dating, confidence matters more than substance. Desperation is a stinky cologne. There are single men who were wedding rings to bars to increase their chances of hooking up. Nothing succeeds like success, and nothing fails like failure. You can't help but feel more confident after a 'yes,' and a 'no' (or long string of them) can put dents in the most resilient of egos.

With this in mind, I have devised The Drinking Game Theory of Dating. According to the DGTD, navigating the singles scene is a lot like playing a - can you guess it? - drinking game. Every round that you lose, you are slightly more likely to lose the next round. As the game goes on, it can reach a point where you can barely remember the rules of the game. Eventually, the only thing you can do is pass out on a couch somewhere, take a lot of aspirin the next morning, and wait until your liver's recovered enough to get back to partying.*

Where am I in this theory? I'm the guy who's having an argument with the washing machine.**

*Couch, aspirin, and liver are metaphors.
**Most nights, so is the washing machine.

Very Sad

2008-03-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

The great translator Robert Fagles passed away on Wednesday. There will be no shortage of people, online and off, who will take this opportunity to praise - justly - his skills as a translator, particularly of the three great epics of antiquity. I myself have both of his Homeric translations on my shelf now, and will probably revisit them soon. If you haven't yet, get yourself a copy.

Rather than comment on his excellence as a poet and a scholar, I'd like to say something more personal. Robert Fagles came to my alma mater, Claremont McKenna College, when I was a student there. I was lucky enough to see him speak twice; he made an appearance in one of my lit classes and then spoke at the Athenaeum. The Ath has a policy that during dinner only current students may sit at the head table with the evening's speaker, and I signed up early enough for a seat. It is one of my favorite college memories. It was fascinating to hear him talk about translation, mesmerizing to listen to his readings of Homer, both in the original and his own rendering. More than that, his warmth, his clear pleasure in engaging with other people, made it clear even after a brief meeting that this man was not merely a great translator, but undoubtedly had all the characteristics of a great educator. His colleagues at Princeton, who were fortunate enough to know him well, testify to that. The world of letters has lost one of its best.

Found While Job Hunting on Craigslist

2008-03-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

Posted without comment.

Picturing the T

2008-03-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

I've been in the Boston area for more than five years now, and in that entire time I've lived on the Red Line. The Red Line goes from Braintree to Alewife. From the very beginning, I thought there was something special about those names. I wasn't sure what they actually meant, but that didn't stop me from guessing.

A Braintree, of course, looks something like this:

I assumed that an Alewife would be something like a fishwife, but more fun, kind of like this:

As it turns out, an alewife is a fish, and looks like this:

I think that's just too bad.

And don't even get me started on Wonderland.

A Creationist Joke (Not Ben Stein)

2008-03-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

So a baraminologist goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says:

"I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind here."

(Inspired by the video in Tom's post here)

Life's Little Disappointments

2008-03-24T15:11:00.000-07:00

This post from Language Log reminded me of the only time I've ever felt really let down by the Pythons. The funniest joke in the world sketch, in which a man writes a joke so funny that it is lethal, only gives the joke in its German translation. When I was a young nerd, watching Monty Python's Flying Circus after school, I desperately wanted to know what "Venn ist das nurnstuck git und slotermeyer? Ya! Beigerhund das oder die flipperwaldt gersput!" meant. I knew it wouldn't actually be the funniest joke in the world, but I was sure there was a hidden joke for those who knew German. The sort of thing that Randall Munroe does.

Finally, my first year of grad school, I start taking German classes. I remembered the joke, and went to try to translate it. For some reason, I couldn't do it. So I checked with a German guy who lived in my dorm. Turns out, it doesn't mean anything. Nothing! Sure, it's pretty good fake German, which is funny in itself, but it just didn't live up to expectations.

The above link also lists the author's other favorite examples of weaponized language. I'm not sure giving two slots to the Pythons is quite fair - and even if it were, the Piranha Brothers just don't have the iconic power of the Knights Who Say Ni. I would also add an honorable mention for Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash, even if my neurolinguist friend says the science is terrible.

For Your Use And Profit

2008-03-20T19:28:00.000-07:00

This blog is not just my personal soapbox. I also intend for it to be the official mouthpiece of the International Society To Make English More Good. ISTMEMG exists to encourage people to be more careful in their use of the English language in order to facilitate clearer communication. We are also dedicated to educating the public concerning bad practices stemming from laziness or ignorance which make English less good.

Most of the time, we'll be telling you what you're doing wrong, and why you should stop.

For ISTMEMG's inaugural post, however, we have decided to release a useful neologism, under the theory that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Everyone is familiar with the word "strategist," which we get from the Greek word "strategos," general. As a counterpart, the ISTMEMG labs has created "stragetist," a word not generally used - at least not on purpose. Stragetist comes from the Latin word "strages," meaning an overthrow, destruction, ruin, defeat, slaughter, massacre, butchery, carnage (source). A stragetist is a leader whose military adventures all devolve into strages.

Example: Among 20th Century British military men, Bernard Montgomery is reckoned a great strategist, while Douglas Haig is remembered as a notorious stragetist.

Readers are encouraged to use the new word as circumstances allow.

About

2008-03-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

The name

Scribenda means "things that are to be/should be written." Mea means "someone else already registered scribenda." This is Latin.

The Purpose

My head is constantly filled with crackpot theories, intentional misreadings, and bad multilingual puns. Normally, these are inflicted upon my long-suffering friends. Now, I can put them here, tell friends about the blog, and pretend that they read it.

The Author

I am a grad school dropout starting a life in the real world, trying to write a novel, and over-thinking everything. Back in Academia, I studied medieval history, which is why you may find my writing occasionally peppered with unnecessary Latin - videlicet the blog's name. In order to remain semi-Googlanonymous, I am only using my first name. This is probably unnecessary, but there's no sense in relinquishing a precaution that costs me nothing.